do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
