...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
