how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
