just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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