You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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