i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Your cock deserves a montage
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
