My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
