I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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