All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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