I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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