I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
