I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize