Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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