he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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