Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
