I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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