Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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