I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
