So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize