sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
