FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
