we're blogging at a bar
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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