"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
