You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
