His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
two words: eviction party
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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