I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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