Will you blow on my dice?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
