Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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