If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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