I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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