I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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