We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
