is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
