Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it glows. i had to have it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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