So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize