dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I understand Curling. That high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
