Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are the jesus of drinking
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
