"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
