i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She bit a glass in half.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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