Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
