Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
