I think my vagina is haunted
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
