You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
