i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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