i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
