it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
