so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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