it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
