so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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