He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
