i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
