i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
