I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
