Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
