I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
