I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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