Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
