you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
