Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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