Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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