Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
