Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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