It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
