she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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