Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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