Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
