I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You are the jesus of drinking
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
