I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm having to shit out rocks
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