hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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