It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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