did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
