i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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