just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
