Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
