The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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