Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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