The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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