Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
