Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm passing your future prison.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
