He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
