he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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