Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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